You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
