he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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