At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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