I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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