I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
