Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize