The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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