You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
