please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
