Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
