You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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