Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
