I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
