It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
