matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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