I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
