Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
