Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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