Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
