hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
