and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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