Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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