How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can I color on your dick again?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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