Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
