I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
