Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
