i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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