can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just pee around me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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