question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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