Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
