Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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