i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
