there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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