The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
