So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
