I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
