Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
