Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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