I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize