Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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