Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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