slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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