i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
