Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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