My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize