So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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