1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
