It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
