She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize