I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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