dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize