I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
