what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
