Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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