he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
