Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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