Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize