The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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