I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
