Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
