i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
