So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize