So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
