Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
