At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
