Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
