At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
