I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
