HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
