if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize