he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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