dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
