We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize