you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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