I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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