would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
