Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
