We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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