im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
