New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize