Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
