Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
