Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
