i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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