and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
