Where is the hickey?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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