some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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