the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
