Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
