oh god the rape fog is back!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
