Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
