Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
