I hope mine doesn't look like that
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
