I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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