I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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