I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its liver damage thursday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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