why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
