I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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