I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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