The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
