a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize