You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
