another moral hangover. fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
