Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
