no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
